Friday, July 24, 2009

Oprah, are you there? It's me, Kathleen...

The Oprah Winfrey Show - it is like "Sesame Street" for adults.

I haven't watched Oprah in years, but apparently she says you teach people how to treat you - If someone does something and you don't say anything...you have given them permission to do it again.

During dinner tonight, while discussing our boy problems (we moved on to the failing economy next), I got in trouble with an angry mob of girlfriends for being too permissive, too accommodating, too slow to anger and... too nice. Dang it - I hate it when I am too nice. Wait... I do?

Hold on - I thought being nice was a 'good thing'. Treat others how you want to be treated? To live in harmony don't we need to show consideration for others and be able to put the needs of others ahead of our own?

That got me to thinking... what is "too nice"?

Here is what I have decided and Oprah may or may not agree with me. If we live our lives in such a way that allows others to discount our needs, ignore our wants, and we don't receive the respect we deserve, we are being "too nice". If you’re nicer to a guy than you are to yourself OR if you’re nicer to him than he is to you, that’s "too nice".

Until we find our perfect partner, we’re going to walk down a lot of one-way streets; make a few lousy picks; and we’re going to kiss a lot of frogs. It isn't in vain. Each time we end up our proverbial rears, we stand up stronger.

SO, don't underestimate nice girls. We may look like pushovers, but we aren't. We hide a fierce inner strength and nice doesn't mean weak.

However, in the interest of full disclosure, I do think sometimes us nice girls ARE too permissive, too accommodating and too slow to anger... :) Not always, but with this particular boy, I definitely was. I get that NOW - with the clarity of hindsight :)

Oprah and the angry mob of girlfriends had a point - People choose how to treat me - I just need to be more aware of what I allow. Ah-ha!

I think the biggest (scariest) risk involved in teaching people how to treat you better is the risk that some of them might go away. Sometimes you just have to let them.


Love,
Kathleen

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